A long time ago when I was in college, there was a guy, I’ll call him the Greek. He and I used to sleep together. There was no dating here, there was picking me up at my dorm, going to his place and getting naked. Variations on the theme would be him picking me at the dining commons, the mall, somewhere on campus. Other than that, there was nothing more to this relationship. I don’t know why, when we did talk (yes, there was talking, mostly online or if we happened to run into each other in public) we got along really well. But he was looking for Ms. Right and I was Ms. Right-for-Now. Eventually we stopped sleeping together and life continued on…
Two years later I started dating a guy, who I will call The Geek. Ok, in my past there are plenty of guys who fit this description. I guess I could call him the Bike Racing, Germaphobe, Momma’s Boy, Geek, but for these purposes and because it will sound cute later, he’s just The Geek. Can’t remember how I met him, can’t remember what attracted me, but I do remember him. There were dates and there was talking and there was pretty good sex, which if anyone met him, they wouldn’t believe, but I digress. This was a relationship, he even took me to New York City for a weekend to meet his mother and see the city he grew up in. I kind of blame him for my love of loft apartments and exposed bricks. We had a lot of fun for the time it lasted, I can’t remember why it ended exactly. I know I was in the phase in my life where if I didn’t see it lasting I would call it quits before things got to serious and he was the first guy in a long while to make it past 2 weeks.
The thing about The Geek, he was sharing an apartment with The Greek.
After the first morning I walked out of the shower to see The Greek, he realized I wasn’t just a passing fancy for The Geek. Apparently The Greek felt the need to talk to The Geek about me after I left that morning. He said to The Geek “She’s fun to play with but she’s not the type you settle down with.” When The Geek told me that I was speechless. That was coming from a guy who has panties in his bedroom displayed like trophies (mine were not there). So considering the source, I shouldn’t pay it much mind, but it stuck with me.
Why would he think that? He never gave me an honest chance. Was he jealous that The Geek had a steady girlfriend? Was he jealous that she was one of his play toys? Was it that he knew he never gave me a chance and maybe he could have a steady girlfriend? Or was it me. Maybe he was right, maybe I wasn’t the type to settle down, maybe that’s why I kept breaking up with perfectly good guys. Maybe that is why I kept dating ones who I knew weren’t going to work out. Those words have been haunting me for 20 years. Were they haunting me when I got engaged? Probably. They were probably haunting me from the moment I kissed The Prince for the second first time. And as I think about starting life over again, they are now screaming at me louder than before.
From what I gather, I think it was The Greek being jealous that The Geek had you as his steady girlfriend. Men tend to get territorial like that (yeah I am one), so he was trying to downplay your possibilities of anything more to The Geek. The Greek only saw what you allowed him to see, and you obviously showed more to The Geek than naked boy.
Back to the remark though, that really hinges on the tone of voice that was used because I can see it being a wicked remark of jealousy or an honest conversation with a friend. Either way, I wouldn’t read to much into it, especially nowadays. You weighed your choices and took the plunge with The Prince. If nothing else, you opened your heart and had the courage to take the plunge.
Thanks, I have no idea how it was said since I only heard it second-hand. Also I have given up trying to figure out how men think. I know those boys were good friends at the time. I laughed it off at the time. But memories are funny, they say you will only remember the good stuff, but lately all the bad stuff keeps showing up.
As for my courage levels: I had the courage to take that plunge, now looking for the courage to get out of the water.
From knowing Mina, I know a lot of the stupid, pointless, insensitive things that some of the most ridiculous asshole in her past have said have stuck to her psyche through the years. It never mattered that they were said by people trying to inflict pain for whatever reason. I have spent some time now trying to prove them wrong, and so has she, by the simple act of living well and being happy. But it never changes the fact that these things are there.
To inject a bit of logic into it – one of your central issues with the Prince is that you want to have kids, right? Does that really sound like someone who just wants to play, and not settle down?
You are right, I know his motives were not pure. As for me, Insecurity is a Bitch. I’m working on it.
I had the exact opposite label stuck to me. I was ‘the girl you marry’ and never the fun-time girl. To this day, I struggle with that. Wanting to be the Just-For-Kicks woman vs. the woman who wants a secure, loving relationship. Maybe part of the journey is realizing that BOTH of those women exist inside you – and then figuring out how to balance them.
If you figure it out, let me know!
That’s so crazy!
I can’t believe they ended up living together!
The guy I’m with now was, I guess what you would call, My Greek, back in college.
I never thought it would get to the point where we were in a relationship.
I remember one time we were laying there and he mentioned something about him not looking for a relationship — just fun.
It caught me off guard so much that I caught myself telling him I had no idea what he was talking about — I wasn’t looking for a relationship, before I could even finish thinking it to myself.
4 1/2 years later and we’re together now.
I don’t know how it happened but if I ever heard him say something like that I’d have to kick his ass.
Simple as that.
lol
And I’d get an extra kick in there just for you