Comments on: I won’t go, you can’t make me!

By: Juggle Jane

Juggle Jane — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 16:27:47 +0000

We were #4. I thought we were making progress, he felt ganged-up on. But my ex did what yours did – channeled a whole different person in counseling. Gave answers that he thought she wanted to hear, etc. He had it in his head it wasn’t going to work, so it didn’t.

As for personal therapy, it has helped me tremendously. I would be rocking in a corner, babbling to myself right now if I didn’t have an amazing therapist. It helps to get a different perspective on things from someone who just wants the very best for you.

Good luck, lady! This divorce crap is hard!

By: A guy

A guy — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 15:22:51 +0000

I’m at #4 … This sucks.

I’ve been told it gets better, someday… I’m waiting for that day.

By: Coyote Too

Coyote Too — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 02:20:51 +0000

Our first attempt at counceling (4-5 years in) was definitely #4. My wife did *not* appreciate the focus on her childhood. It’s simply not something she’s ever going to be willing to look at and admit it had an impact in who she is. Our second attempt came much later, after I’d been seeing a counselor for other reasons, and asked her to come in. Those sessions were useful for me, and kept us together for a number of years by giving me new strategies and ways to change. She tolerated them, but didn’t hate them, mainly because I had learned from the previous mistakes. But it’s not going to help if you go in with the philosophy “if I change, I’ll die”, so in the long run it was not enough.

So I’m somewhere inbetween. She believes counseling (or even talking about your feelings with a friend) is a waste. I think it can be valuable if you have a specific goal, or are looking for new ideas to help you with a problem you can’t seem to deal with.

My thoughts on therapy are I get more from talking to people who have been here and writing out my thoughts, sometimes they get blogged, sometimes they are just there for me to look at. I learned a long time ago that if I can say what’s on my mind, or write it out, I can look at things objectively and if I still can’t figure it out then I scream out for help in some fashion.

I know I’ve changed over the years, but they were natural changes nothing forced upon me by others. He kept saying he could change but there was nothing natural about those changes, he was doing them to keep me someplace I didn’t want to be.

By: Mina

Mina — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 00:48:58 +0000

Yeah I find they want to capitalize Internet.. lol…

I was never married but my now ex and I did go to a therapist to work on our relationship. Yeah that was doomed from the beginning. We were going because he was convinced something was wrong with me and I needed to seek help. He went along convinced there was nothing wrong with him. I didn’t mind going. But, in the end.. I was the only one who took it seriously and did all the exercises the therapist suggested. My ex became angry with her that she couldn’t say I had something wrong with me. *sigh* Anyways.. on to better things.

Sounds like we went to counselling for the same reason, I was wrong, I was shutting him out, I was the problem. And in the end he says he was willing to change and I wasn’t. At one point in a session he said he would change and she asked me if I would and I outright said “No, I’m happy with who I am.” She never wanted to dig further into that.

Which makes me wonder why would anyone have to change themselves to make a relationship with someone else work, it works or it doesn’t.