This week I need to focus on what I want. It will help because at the end of this week I will finally be telling my parents what’s going on. I will also be making appointments to look at some apartments. Job or no job, down economy or not, I need to move on, I know this. So I need to remember what it is that I want out of being on my own.
I want to be on my own. I want to live without justifying everything I do to someone else. I want to not have to tell someone what I’m doing every second of every day. I want to enjoy the silence of being home alone. I want to focus on making me a better me. I want to focus on my passions without the guilt that I’m ignoring someone else. I want to travel and see friends. I want to go to sleep without feeling emotional tension. I want to smile more. I want to remember who I am. I want people to notice something is different with me but they can’t figure out what. I want to spend the summer decorating a new apartment for me. I want to love the woman in the mirror again. I want to thank my friends who have been reassuring me that there is life after divorce. I want to find the strength to be on my own. I want to be happy.
There is more that I want but there are some noticeable items not on that list. I don’t want to start dating again, not for some time. I need to be on my own for sometime before I am willing to let anyone else into my life. I don’t want to fall in love again. At least not for awhile, I might be being cautious, but I need time before I can go there again. I do not want to rely on someone else to help me define myself. I need to know who I am I don’t want to get remarried. This might change but in all honesty, I don’t see the point. I did it once and it didn’t work out. Something about learning from your mistakes and those who don’t learn from history are bound to repeat it. I’m not saying I won’t, who knows I might meet that right person who I can’t live without, but right now I can’t live without me and I’ve been doing that for too long.
I have a lot to do in the next few weeks, I will keep my focus and remember what I want. I will get there.
YAY YOU!!! When I split from my partner, I felt a lot of the same feelings you listed above.
Big Hugs,
~Monica
Thanks, it’s great to know all these things I’m going through others have been there and lived to tell the tale.
Ex moved out about three weeks after the “news” and while I was confounded, I was truly grateful. I had never lived alone and I was a bit scared about the idea of being in the house by myself. And you know what? I LIKED it. I may have even loved it. Being there without the constant need to feel like I was filling a hole – whether it be with noise, or conversation, or WHATEVER – was blissful. It was one of the best things I did. I think you’ll find so too. Good luck!
Thank you, I’ve lived sort of alone before, I shared a house with a few other people, but it’s not exactly the same. It will be an adventure one that might end with me buying an electric jar opener and a new electric drill.
You seem very level headed and like you’re making a well thought out decision.
You know what you want and you need time to rediscover who you are and what makes you passionate.
I went from living with a boyfriend to living on my own to living with my parents. That was the hardest transition ever but it helped me to prepare for being on my own permanently.
And it helped me to appreciate being on my own.
Which I did, but didn’t, prior to that.
Good luck with everything! I can’t wait to read more about you
Thank you, I know that there are still some hard times ahead and I didn’t come to these decisions lightly. I’m finding that while part of me is manic and scattered when it comes to focusing on what I want and what I have to do to get there I’m remarkably calm. Let’s hope it stays that way.