It’s been awhile, I know, sorry about that, things have been slow going. The stress levels in the condo castle are almost to a breaking point. I know I need to get out before we completely distroy any relationship we might have left. The Prince has taken his I don’t know how to deal with you attitude and turned it into a I don’t want to be a civil human being to you. I know it’s the stress of the divorce and the lack of a job beating him down, but simple common courteous isn’t that hard. I t got to a point where I had to relay messages through the lawyers to the person 10 feet away from me and then he got pissed at me for doing it. I think it was the content of the message more than the delivery method “Get a job or put the condo on the market.” He says back to me “Where am I supposed to go” and I know that’s not my problem. I need to move out of here, I know this.
So I’ve been looking at apartments. Saw one a few months ago, reasonable distance from work, great space, price was exactly at my upper limit. Saw a place yesterday, once again beautiful, great community, very close to work, the only apartments I would fit in, too much money. Saw an apartment building today. Every unit they showed me was beautiful and I could afford even the three bedroom, which I outright said “This is too much room for me.” I narrowed it down to two units there that I really liked, really I think one is better than the other but that’s what second showings are for. The problem, it’s as far from work as I am now, just in the opposite direction. I would be happy to suffer a 45 minute commute to smile when I come home though. Tomorrow I see my father and we will talk these over. He wants to see any place I might want to rent first. Check things like security, the neighborhood, etc. You know all those things that fathers worry about when their little girl is involved. With luck I could be leaving a deposit and an application with them this week and have a move in date as soon as I want.
That’s the good news, the bad news: Telling The Prince. This will not be pretty. I do not expect him to be happy about this, I do not expect him to help me move, I do not expect anything from him. Unfortunately his attitude of late is making it easier for me not to care about his feeling. That is one of the hardest things for me to do. I care about everyone. If you are family or friend or perfect stranger, I care about your feelings. Even if you have hurt me, I care. It’s gift or a flaw depending on how you look at it. But this man I married, who has been part of my life for 28 years, has managed to get me to be apathetic toward him. Do I not care at all? No, I do still care some, but lately I have been putting my own feelings first and I don’t think he likes that. Oh well, not my problem. Someone has to put me first, might as well be me.
