Fairytales End » The King

Looking for a New Castle

Exprincess — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 01:09:11 +0000

It’s been awhile, I know, sorry about that, things have been slow going. The stress levels in the condo castle are almost to a breaking point. I know I need to get out before we completely distroy any relationship we might have left. The Prince has taken his I don’t know how to deal with you attitude and turned it into a I don’t want to be a civil human being to you. I know it’s the stress of the divorce and the lack of a job beating him down, but simple common courteous isn’t that hard. I t got to a point where I had to relay messages through the lawyers to the person 10 feet away from me and then he got pissed at me for doing it. I think it was the content of the message more than the delivery method “Get a job or put the condo on the market.” He says back to me “Where am I supposed to go” and I know that’s not my problem. I need to move out of here, I know this.

So I’ve been looking at apartments. Saw one a few months ago, reasonable distance from work, great space, price was exactly at my upper limit. Saw a place yesterday, once again beautiful, great community, very close to work, the only apartments I would fit in, too much money. Saw an apartment building today. Every unit they showed me was beautiful and I could afford even the three bedroom, which I outright said “This is too much room for me.” I narrowed it down to two units there that I really liked, really I think one is better than the other but that’s what second showings are for. The problem, it’s as far from work as I am now, just in the opposite direction. I would be happy to suffer a 45 minute commute to smile when I come home though. Tomorrow I see my father and we will talk these over. He wants to see any place I might want to rent first. Check things like security, the neighborhood, etc. You know all those things that fathers worry about when their little girl is involved. With luck I could be leaving a deposit and an application with them this week and have a move in date as soon as I want.

That’s the good news, the bad news: Telling The Prince. This will not be pretty. I do not expect him to be happy about this, I do not expect him to help me move, I do not expect anything from him. Unfortunately his attitude of late is making it easier for me not to care about his feeling. That is one of the hardest things for me to do. I care about everyone. If you are family or friend or perfect stranger, I care about your feelings. Even if you have hurt me, I care. It’s gift or a flaw depending on how you look at it. But this man I married, who has been part of my life for 28 years, has managed to get me to be apathetic toward him. Do I not care at all? No, I do still care some, but lately I have been putting my own feelings first and I don’t think he likes that. Oh well, not my problem. Someone has to put me first, might as well be me.

I’ll be alright…

Exprincess — Fri, 15 May 2009 02:07:38 +0000

In the past weeks I felt like I hit bottom. I didn’t see how I was going to get out of this and make it on my own. So many friends told me they had been there and that it will get better, but part of me didn’t see how it could. Then I talked to my parents and my brother and his wife, they are more supportive than I could hope for. Today I met with my lawyer for the first time. He was honest about the facts but showed me that it’s not the end of the world. The economy sucks and we aren’t the only couple forced to live together longer than they want to over it. But he has me working on gather more information and filling out more paperwork.

I really do think I’ll be alright…

Stand – Rascal Flatts

Always His Princess

Exprincess — Tue, 05 May 2009 14:47:12 +0000

The “His” in this case isn’t The Prince, but The King, My Father.

I told them. I went to my parents and I told them. After the inital shock and usual questions, my father went into his logical, protective but caring mode. He loves me and I will always be his little girl so he wants to help me to be happy. I know this, I understand this and I accept his help without thinking, like an instinct I was born with and can’t change. He will pay for the lawyer, help me pay for a better apartment than I can afford on my own, help me move to and furnish said apartment. I tell myself now I will pay him back when the divorce is finalized and the dust settles. I tell myself over and over this is just a loan. This is not a sign of weakness, just a sign that money is tight for me. So why do I feel so bad about taking his help? Why do I feel like I’m a child again? Why am I afraid to let The Prince know that my father is doing all of this for me? I know that answer I don’t need to hear it from him. The use of “Princess” like a dirty word and reminders that I have this option while he doesn’t.

So here I am feeling guilty for my parents’ relative wealth and my feelings of weakness for not being able to do it on my own. Then the first song I hear this morning on the radio… I remember hearing this when I was a kid thinking I liked the song, but I never thought it would apply to me.

Hall & Oates – Rich Girl

And don’t you know, don’t you know
That it’s wrong to take what he’s giving you
So far gone on your own
But you can get along if you try to be strong
But you’ll never be strong cause