I want to be on my own.  I want to live without justifying everything I do to someone else.  I want to not have to tell someone what I’m doing every second of every day.  I want to enjoy the silence of being home alone.  I want to focus on making me a better me.  I want to focus on my passions without the guilt that I’m ignoring someone else.  I want to travel and see friends.  I want to go to sleep without feeling emotional tension.  I want to smile more.  I want to remember who I am.  I want people to notice something is different with me but they can’t figure out what.  I want to spend the summer decorating a new apartment for me.  I want to love the woman in the mirror again.  I want to thank my friends who have been reassuring me that there is life after divorce.  I want to find the strength to be on my own.  I want to be happy.

There is more that I want but there are some noticeable items not on that list.  I don’t want to start dating again, not for some time.  I need to be on my own for sometime before I am willing to let anyone else into my life.  I don’t want to fall in love again.  At least not for awhile, I might be being cautious, but I need time before I can go there again.  I do not want to rely on someone else to help me define myself.  I need to know who I am  I don’t want to get remarried.  This might change but in all honesty, I don’t see the point.  I did it once and it didn’t work out.  Something about learning from your mistakes and those who don’t learn from history are bound to repeat it.  I’m not saying I won’t, who knows I might meet that right person who I can’t live without, but right now I can’t live without me and I’ve been doing that for too long.

I have a lot to do in the next few weeks, I will keep my focus and remember what I want.  I will get there.