Valentine’s 1983

OK this one wasn’t bad, this is when I had my first Valentine.  10th grade, French Club did this carnations thing, you buy a heart and send a carnation to someone during homeroom. I was in French Club, the Friday before Valentine’s we are in a classroom after school sorting out the hearts by homeroom and one of the girls says “Hey, Princess, you have a heart, want to know who?” Duh, of course I did at that point everyone else already looked. So there was no surprise Monday morning, but I spent all weekend thinking about it.  Oh, the heart, was from The Prince and he signed it Love.  We had first period class together and we spoke a little but really not that much, so I thought maybe just a friend thing, but why sign it Love?  Long story short, he asked me on my first date for that weekend, contingent on him passing his driver’s test that Wednesday.

1984

The Prince and I broke up 6 weeks before Valentine’s. I’m still in French Club, he sent a Heart to a Freshman.  Did I mention he was a Senior at this point? I spent the day crying or trying not to.

1985

Alone. A week later I met someone who I started dating and will forever be known as My Ex-Asshole.  I could write a novel about how that guy fucked me over.

1986

Still with the Ex-Asshole, He was homeless, his Father kicked him out, and living in various dorm lobbies at my college or his car.  I found this out later, he was a pretty good stalker didn’t see him following me to classes during the week, but he amazingly showed up after my last class every Friday.

1987

Ex-Asshole gone, trying to rebuild life, dating the Hippy Wanna-be.  I think he got stoned and I did homework, how romantic.

1988

Not in College, but living in the same town as my college. Broke up 6 weeks before with the One That Got Away. Apparently New Year’s and Break-ups go hand and hand with me. Anyway, I spent it alone as my best friend was with the boyfriend of the semester and I chose not to be the 3rd wheel that night.

1989

Back in college, Just started dating the Writer. Relationship too new to celebrate.

1990

Technically still dating the Writer and living at home 100 miles from him.  You see he didn’t want to ruin my Valentine’s but he also didn’t want to lie to me, so no card, no phone call until the 15th.  He dumped me.  Yes, he spent Valentine’s with his new girlfriend while his not-quite an ex-girlfriend was crying herself to sleep

1991

Spent the day with The Kid (he was 18, I was 23) got home late, next morning my Father told me.  His brother died suddenly of a heart attack. First time I saw my Dad cry. He had lost 2 of his other brothers already but this was his twin brother. 3 weeks before their 51st birthday. My Aunt was widowed at 45.  She never recovered from the loss.  She did this past January. She spent the last 18 years mourning the loss of her husband. Unfortunately she spent most of that time drunk and careless smoking most likely was the cause of the fire that killed her.  I can never imagine loving one person so much that their absence from your life would destroy yours.

1992

Second First Valentine’s with The Prince. Can’t remember anything about it, probably just dinner, movie, sex in his room at his parent’s house… typical date for the next 2 years.

1993 & 1994

See above

1995

First Valentine’s Married.  He bought me Roses. This is the thing with me and flowers: I never get them.  In the course of 26 years I have gotten them less than 10 times from The Prince.  So when he buys them, I wonder what happened. I’ve received Long Stem Roses 4 times in my life, once from my Godfather on my 16th birthday the other 3 from The Prince over the 17 Valetine’s he has been with me.

1996-2006

I have no clue what happened on any of these Valentine’s. I was married, romance died. I notice most cards are bought on his way home from work (I see the receipts)

2007

First Valentine’s I spent looking at the card at Hallmark trying to find one that didn’t promise undying love.  They don’t make them. 2 weeks before I said we need marriage counselling he took that as a great shock.  This scene was repeated for the Valentine’s, Anniversaries and Christmases over the next 2 years.

2008

I should have left month before, I should have stuck to my original gut feelings, but I didn’t.  I would do anything in my power to make this Valentine’s go away forever, but I can’t.  What happened is too personal for me to explain here.  Suffice to say it rattled me. I felt trapped and guilty for a long time after. Someday maybe I will get the courage to write about it here but right now I can’t.  It was the worse day in my life up to this point.  I have been dumped, had deaths in my family, spent the most forgettable days in my life on Valentine’s but last year will be the one that scars me.

2009

I have banned Valentine’s from this house.

So there, 26 years in less than 1000 words. Not a good Valentine’s among them.  I doubt I will ever have an enjoyable one in my life. Why should this one day be different than any other day? If you love someone why wait until February 14th to show them? It’s just a day like the other 364 during the year. If you have to be told to show your love by card stores and florists, what kind of love is that?

So will someone tell me where I can have coma induced on the 13th and woken on the 15th?